Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Deep breath, just keep swimming...

I am not so different from many people right now who are strugging to find meaning in what we do each day in light of the unspeakable evil that took place last Friday. Like many parents, especially those in Newtown, I woke up early Friday running through all the things I needed to accomplish before Christmas. I started my mental countdown for Christmas break at that time, still one week away. My youngest is 11 and although the magic of believing in Santa is tarnished she still believes in the magic of Christmas. This week is busy with class parties, Secret Santa Shop, last minute shopping, Choir concert and maybe.just maybe a Gingerbread house or two. My biggest complaint was there isn't two or three of me to get it all done..and clean house, wrap presents and shop for groceries.

My worries quickly changed last Friday and this morning I cherish that I have such trivial problems in my life. Like many parents I sent my kids off to school this week with trepidation and trying to just have faith that they will be safe and they will return home to me at the end of the day. I am sure the parents of Newtown thought the same thing as they got their excited young kids bundled up and out the door for school. They might have had thoughts like I did.."Did I tell them I love them enough...Why didn't I take time to give them that extra hug or cuddle?" I have more time to get it right..they don't. My heart is utterly breaking for them.

12/12/12 Mom's 67th Birthday!!
I logged in to update my WL but it seems trivial,  somewhat like my worries of Friday. I am struggling with emotions that I stuff with food in the past. I blog because I don't want to fall into that deep hole of sadness and despair. I lost 1.8 lbs last week..and it was a week to celebrate because I survived a week of ups and downs emotionally and phsyically..and even a birthday dinner out at a high calorie restaurant my brother chose, fittingly called Food Dance. lol We celebrated my mother's 67th birthday, just my brothers and I. We hadn't done that alone in over 25 years. I think it was the best gift ever to her.

I am choosing to honor those little lives and brave teachers by living my life. Cherishing each breath I am still able to take and delighting in the fact that my life will keep going. Like Dorry on mantra will be "Just keep swimming..just keep swimming."

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