I am sitting here and it's 3 am. I am thinking how ironic that the meeting topic today for WW's was about "Getting a better night's sleep!" We discussed all sorts of reasons of why some do not sleep restfully, they ranged from overactive bladder, overactive brains and my contribution was choice of sleeping partner. I know I shouldn't put all the blame on the spouse but the majority of my wakefulness is because of him between his coming to bed late and waking me to take his nighttime pills and then the not so joyful snoring noise he makes that inspires me to entertain ill thoughts of how I could muffle him.
Insomnia is not new to me but for the most part they are far and few nowadays. I have implemented many of the solutions that we talked about in our meeting today between making my To Do List for the next day and having a nighttime routine. My day was a bit off I have to admit. It began with a killer migraine and I got absolutely NO extra activity in, when normally I walk the dog a few times around the cul de sac twice a day. It was chilly and by the time dinner was done I was ready to take more headache medicine and call it a night. I went to sleep an hour earlier than usual and all was well until my husband creeps his way in at 12:30 am turning on a light so he can adjust the fan and then opening room darkening curtains so he could get a breeze. No matter that my migraine was allergy related and I am the one sleeping by the window. Suddenly, our bedroom is filled with moonlight and my eyes were popped open and ready to slug him as I hear him drift off in slumber making the sounds as if he was choking to death. No worries, its just his snore. Yes he HAD an apnea machine..NO he doesn't use it because he decided he was cured. I flipped on a light to find my Ipod and his concern for me made me want to do great bodily harm. I told him I needed to fill my ears with something better than his dying animal routine. I swear if I hear from that man "I don't snore" one more time I am going to lose it. He thinks its cute to say that to me. After 19 years of marriage...ITS NOT CUTE OR FUNNY when I am the one who can't get back to sleep.
So what do you do when two hours have gone by and sleep still eludes you? You get up because the longer I lay there the more annoyed I become. I drank a cup of hot Sweet Dreams Chamomile Tea and decided after a long hiatus that perhaps tonight would be a good night to blog. If anything to vent my frustration...its my blog and I can bitch if I wanna! My alarm will go off at 6:15 am and I really truly hope I will some how be able to go to sleep before then. Guess who is NOT going to be getting the kids up for summer school and dropping them off at 8 am?
I suppose while I am up and here, I should talk about my journey. Things are going pretty well for the most part. I had to become more self reliant in regards to getting my activity in and sticking to my food plan even when others in the house are a distraction. I have set a goal before Sept. 1st to hit my 40 lb WL mark and I am pleased to say that its only 7 lbs away. Every so often I take out a pair of jeans I bought a few years ago when I lost 70 lbs. Reality really bites you in the ass when something you could once pull on with ease suddenly can't make it past your thighs. I measure progress by pulling them on when the scale seems to not give me the results I seek. In April, I was able to pull them up over my arse finally but zipping/buttoning was much like crossing the great divide. Last month, I was able to zip them but I looked like a stuffed pig in them. haha Yesterday, I not only pulled them up with ease and crossed the great divide but I could sit in them and not lose consciousness. Insert long sigh and a slight smile......that is the sound and look of sweet satisfaction and progress.
I have been asked by well meaning friends and family how much do I plan to lose? When is enough...enough? I was not quite prepared with an answer but the truth is when I am at a healthy weight for ME. Please do not tell me that I look too thin and I should stop trying to lose weight, have faith in me that I know when enough is enough. Your words might not seem horrible and I know I am loved and supported but those words can have an affect on me when I am tired of tracking or feeling vulnerable against stuffing myself with a Big Mac and fries that I have craving but so don´t need to medicate myself with. Just cheer me on and by all means tell me how proud you are of me or how healthy and HAPPY I look and again...just have faith that I will take care of the rest.
It´s 4 am and the newspaper delivery has come through the neighborhood. Perhaps I should try again to count those sheep and finally succumb to slumber.