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Thursday, June 2, 2016

   
     Life is messy. Just when I think I have the answers and I am ready to move forward, Life yanks me backwards and says, "Not so fast!" My life journey has been pulling me into other directions than I expected at this point in my life. I went back to college and I am working on getting a degree in Social Work. In that process, I found courage to question my life more and realize that I don't have to accept it just because it's easier than forging a new path. In that process, I renewed my relationship with God, it's not perfect but it's okay. I am redefining me, with His help, and the help of my church family who have been supportive and loving to both myself and my children.

     On April 8th, 2016, I filed for divorce from my significant other of whom I have spent more than half of my life with. The father of my children and the man I wanted to believe was my soulmate. Life happened. Mistakes were made, trust was broken. I wish I had a magic wand to wave and put it all back together better than it was. Once trust is broken, repeatedly, it is really difficult to get it back. Every time a spouse omits the truth they are saying they don't trust the other with their heart nor do they respect their significant other. It chips away at the foundation you have tried to build until it just crumbles apart.

   


    Finding Grace at a time of chaos.

     That will be my prayer as I go through this messy part of life. Untangling, my life from his, while trying to co-parent and remain friends. Grace, that there is no right or wrong way to feel as we go through the stages of separation/divorce. It's okay for me to feel the way I do and I do not owe the other a solid explanation to make it "better". I do owe it to my kids to model integrity in the process and to be loving because when it is all said and done, we are their parents for life and they need us to be the adults in this process no matter how hurt we may feel.

     It's messy and it's okay, I just need to give myself the space to go through each of the emotions and take life day by day.

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