Sunday, September 18, 2016

Coming Full Circle

     I think my ex and I have reached a tentative agreement that will move us to being able to finalize our divorce next month. Our 23rd wedding anniversary is in November and I really didn't want to reach that date and have us still be in limbo. I am giving up a few things but it's worth it to finally just be done.
     I am sitting here thinking about how we began. We met and "fell in love" in a two week period when he asked me to marry him and we married less than 6 mos. later.
     I was remembering a conversation we had before I realized that he was an alcoholic. We were discussing deal breakers in a relationship, he had none. I had just one.

     I remember telling him that if he ever cheated on me that I would not be able to forgive him, I felt very strongly about that sacred trust between a man and a woman who are intimate. He told me that he would be able to forgive me. I remember telling him that I wouldn't respect him if he did. He grew up with a mother who cheated often on his dad and her 2nd husband after that. Our childhood differences were vast.
    Fast forward 21 years and I discovered he cheated on me. I set aside my moral compass, to forgive and try to forget. I felt like such a hypocrite and it was hard to look my children in the eye knowing that they knew how I valued trust and integrity.
    The forgiving was hard but doable. The forgetting was a whole other story. A year of trying but when the anniversary of discovering his ultimate lie, among many lies through out our marriage, I filed for divorce. It's almost like I should have known all those years ago how we would end.

Full circle.

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